Conflicted

Conflicted feelings. They are the worst. And I’ve been full of them this week. Every time I look at the news I can feel myself breaking in two like a Kit-Kat.

The most powerful example of this was on Thursday when Obama gave Biden the Presidential Medal of Freedom. It was brilliant to watch and warmed my heart after that press conference the day before. The way Obama surprised him and then Joe teared up and they all hugged and had the best time. But then a little sinister voice in my head wouldn’t let the good times sail by without exception.

The thing is it all came off very best pals. You could basically hear them scream ‘You were the greatest’, No, you were the greatest’. Obama even granted him it with distinction. Don’t get me wrong I one hundred percent believe Biden has been an exceptional Vice President but if Bush had given this honour to Cheney then I’m under no illusion that I’d be screaming my discontent from the rooftops. Then again, Biden never shot anyone with a rifle whilst serving so he probably deserves it more.

Then over the weekend, civil rights icon John Lewis announced he wouldn’t be going to the inauguration next Friday. Again my heart was rallying in support for Lewis’ idealism. Trump, to him, is not a legitimate President and so he will not be attending the swearing in. Now I completely agree with him that ‘the Russians participated in helping this man get elected, and they helped destroy the candidacy of Hillary Clinton’. However, Trump still won the majority in the electoral college and that – as seemingly unfair and illogical as it is – is the only criteria that he needs to be a legitimate President.

American democracy is founded on a system of checks and balances so for the democracy to work; every part has to its job. For me, it is important that congress use the appropriate and formal frameworks in place to challenge the policies of Trump. Congress must watch him like a hawk and if he does anything which threatens the legitimacy of the office then they should impeach him. But to cry foul and not engage in institutions and ceremonies from the very beginning threatens your legitimacy when something tangible comes up. It will be easy to label you as nothing more than an obstructionist hell bent on bringing an innocent man down.

Even writing that paragraph brings to the fore that discontented feeling within me. As I type I can literally hear my body scream ‘but actually being obstructionist is exactly what the Republicans did to Obama.’ And it is absolutely true. Obama was ridiculously hounded throughout his first term. They demanded that he prove that he was born in America. Not to mention that you’ll find no shortage of small minded behaviour from the Grand Old Party over the past eight years. Mitch McConnell once even filibustered his own bill when the Democrats attempted to work with him. Not to mention the blatant refusal to engage with Obama’s supreme court nomination this past year because they were playing out the clock in the hope of a Trump presidency.

Of course, that’s exactly what happened. The genuine compromise candidate in Merrick Garland will be thrown to the wind and by February, we will no doubt have a conservative with a horrid track record on women’s right as the nominee. But two wrongs don’t make a right. I don’t even say this as a moral argument. Twain’s advice on arguing with a fool comes to mind – don’t do it because they’re more experienced and will win. If both parties decide to play the obstructionist game, then absolutely no one wins but the poorest and most vulnerable suffer the most.

Obama, perhaps the best politician of his time, completely gets this. It was bittersweet watching his farewell address. In all that he said, I could find myself cheering him on. Part of me feeling guilt that I may not have fully appreciated what I had before I lost it. Even in a mostly sentimental speech he reminded us that everyone – even if the middle aged white man – has challenges to face and that we move forward as a society when we recognise that.

The contrast between the outgoing President and the incoming one is startling. Trump’s press conference on Wednesday was one point in the week that I did not feel conflicted at all. As it went on, I only became more anxious at what awaits America over the next four years. Regardless of his feelings towards a particular news organisation, he cannot refuse to take their question. If he continues to do this as President, it is an obvious threat to American democracy. It was a shocking moment and the surprise from the assembled press was visible even through a television screen. Added to that was the presence of Trump supporters who would loudly clap and boo when required.

The truth, though, is that this man will be the President on Friday. Action will be needed to reduce his ability to reduce his harmful behaviour. ABC news asked the question that the CNN reporter was denied. It is small acts of defiance like this that must be taken. It will require everyone to do their jobs and ensure that they are not being undermined. If they are then we must all work to protect them.  

Fearing Infection

Illnesses and diseases are, by their very nature, not very nice things. They cause pain and stop people from achieving their full potential. They’re also quite scary, especially when you throw in the fact that most of the time we don’t actually know much about them. Nothing sparks more panic than an illness that’s contagious. Think about the images of men and women in protective white suits and restrictions on travel when another mass panic grabs the world.

On a more local level, we’ve probably all become a little bit paranoid in the winter months, making silent note of anyone that has a pervasive cough and tactically deciding not to sit beside them. Those people seem ill and are having a rough time of it. t’s perfectly sensible that we don’t want to get sick. That being said, we don’t regularly single these people out or point blank refuse to sit beside them if need be. This is, however, the case for people with sexually transmitted infections.

In Britain especially, sex is something of a taboo subject. It’s a subject matter that’s often characterised as shallow and seedy. A thing that should only be talked about with close friends and otherwise never discussed. Make it about STIs and people stop the discussion all together. Silence though, is one of the worst things that can happen. Not talking about something is a sure way to make a scary thing gain momentum. In the darkness, it grows and grows and grows. Ideas about how people get it move from fact to fiction. Suddenly, it’s only a certain type of people that get the disease.

The Terrence Higgins Trust knows this only too well. They’re a charity that campaigns on various issues regarding the prevention of HIV and promoting safer sex. Founded after the death of Terry Higgins, one of the first men who died from AIDS in the UK, it sought to humanise the issue at a time where the British press were labelling it as a gay disease. While thirty years on people in Britain very rarely die from AIDS, the stigma around gaining HIV is nonetheless still very much prevalent in our society. It was only last Summer that the Daily Mail freaked out about Prep being available on the NHS, calling it a lifestyle drug. The language may not be as blunt as back in the eighties but the meaning is obviously the same. People that are more promiscuous are the type that are likely to get HIV and if they do become positive then they'll have deserved it.

If we pause to think about it, this level of subtle, implicit shaming around STI bounds. Often, we’ll hear people discussing if someone is clean. They never talk about whether they’re not, but it follows that if the person isn’t then they’re dirty. It creates an idea that people with HIV are less worthy than people without it. Quickly, this leads to no one wanting to identify as having HIV for fear that they’ll be alienated from their peers. The stigma of any STI and especially HIV is perhaps the most dangerous element now because it hides the light and stops people from seeking out the help and support that they need.

It’s important to get checked regularly and fortunately testing is available in a multitude of ways. Sandyford is the sexual health clinic and whilst it might appear scary, it really isn’t. However, if you’re still not entirely comfortable going there then you can always speak to your GP and have your bloods taken in your local practice.

We’re all hoping that every test we ever take will come back as negative, but don’t fear the results. Even if you find that you’ve tested positive for HIV, it’s not the end and you will not be left alone. Not only does the NHS have excellent support systems in place, but wonderful charities such as the Terrence Higgins Trust will be there to support you.